Fridays are my days to relax and unwind, as such I have decided to have a guest blogger every Friday, first up is my good friend Will on why Lost annoys him. If you like what you read or just want to give Will a shout out you can find him on twitter here
By Will Dumont
Before I get into this thing I told Heather I’d write, I feel I should preface it by saying I’ve only ever seen the first season of Lost. That’s it and I really only remember the first episode. With this in mind, you may wonder what the hell I’m doing complaining about the series finale which aired on Monday. Because I care, god dammit.
Now, I could go on at length as to why Lost never drew me in as a show from the beginning; there’s the terrible acting, the contrived plot lines meant to convey a false sense of mystery, or how Kate’s face reminded me of a constipated foot, but I’m going to focus on just how fucking lazy this show was today, because really people, for a show that went on for six years I have to wonder, in a show which shared the television during the age of Battlestar Galactica, where the average sci-fi viewers standards have fallen.
The first couple of seasons, it seems, were a blank slate for the writers of the show to fling as much bullshit as they could and seeing what their fans were willing to pay attention to. How about a mysterious corporation? Some polar bears? How about this giant smoke monster thing!? Oh man, how cool is that (answer: not very, a smoke monster is a very non-scary idea when you think about it)!? Don’t get me wrong, plenty of shows without a planned ending operate in this manner, but a lot of those other shows at least have the presence of mind to explain their bullshit before the credits roll on the final episode. If you haven’t seen the final episode (Turns out they were all dead. I didn’t spoiler alert this to save you the goddamned time. You’re welcome and don’t even pretend that was a surprise to you), the island turns out to be some freaky purgatory where the victims of the first seasons plane crash have been stuck in limbo these past six seasons.
Now, let’s ignore the fact that everyone pretty much guessed this ending by the end of the first season (if not the first episode) and the writers tried to deny that was the case, and move onto the aforementioned bullshit the show failed to explain. While the whole “purgatory but not” angle covers the stupid time travel thing the producers of the show used to stretch out the last couple of seasons, it really fails to touch on some pretty big aspects of the show: What was the deal with the Dharma Initiative? Why the fuck was a corporation in not-purgatory? Why was there an energy pocket threatening to blow up not-purgatory that needed a button pressed? Why was Locke a smoke monster, what was his reason for being? WHY THE FUCK WERE THERE GIANT POLAR BEARS IN NOT-PURGATORY!?
I’m not asking for much, TV producers. I can suspend my disbelief to the point where I can and have watched a show about sexy robots fucking in outer space, and they didn’t even give a completely satisfying explanation at the end of things, but here’s the deal: they still gave an explanation. To do any less would have been a huge insult to the fan base’s intelligence. But then again, your fan base is a bunch of lame hipsters who actually sat through six seasons of that tripe, so I guess I can’t put all the blame on you.