Automatic Tipping

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“I don’t tip, i don’t believe in it” Mr. Pink, Reservoir dogs.

O.K, so i know I’m sure to get a lot of flak for this one touchy ass subject but what the hell, you don’t like my opinion, no big deal. Here’s the thing, i hate the automatic tipping thing. See when people go to a restaurant and get shitty service and then feel the social need to tip for service. Now i don’t do that. You can call me an asshole, or cheap, or whatever you want but I’m not going to just automatically tip because society tells me to tip. Fuck that. Now you may say, “oh, she doesn’t tip because she never worked in that industry!” well my friend you would be wrong. I have worked in restaurants, and yeah, some wait staff work their ass off and deserve to get a little sumthin’ extra, but for the most part, most people couldn’t give two shits about you and when that shows, i don’t tip.

Maybe it wouldn’t surprise you to know that my favorite movie is Reservoir dogs. When Mr. Pink launches into the famous “i don’t tip, i don’t beleive in it” scene, i thought i had finally found my kindred spirit. Cheers to you mr Tarantino. He brings up a lot of interesting reasons why he doesn’t tip, let’s check some out.

1. Why do we choose to give gratuity to some people in the service industry, but not all?

lWe tip the wait staff, hair dressers,  and delivery guys (see, i don’t tip them either cause it’s their fucking job description to DRIVE the food to me! seriously wtf?) but we don’t tip the chef, who does way more work,(yes they have a higher wage) the bus boys (have a lower wage) or the dishwashers who work way harder then the wait staff. We tip cab drivers, but not bus drivers. Are we saying that dealing with the public automatically means you should get a bonus?Is it “harder” to work with the public than in a cramped, hot back room? because a lot of people have to deal with the asshole public every day for minimum wage and don’t receive any gratuity whatsoever!

2) Sales and service.

So if the number 1 occupation for non-college women is Waitressing (i couldn’t verify that, i did verify that it was sales) then what about the other women who work in other sales? The average wage for sales staff at clothing stores is the same as restaurants before the added tip. These people are on their feet all day, dealing with customers, same thing right? Oh, and i don’t take sex into consideration when/if i consider tipping, like I’m not gonna give you an extra tip if you are a single mom vs if you are a bachelor. Same goes for the bar. If i have 6 drinks at the bar and i have had to get up and go to the bar to get four of them myself, chances are you aren’t getting a tip, but maybe the bartender is. I’m not talking some crazy packed dance club either, I’m talking a normal lounge type setting that’s pretty slow paced.

3) On the receiving end:

Yeah, i get it. Some customers are rude ass twats, yelling at you, freaking out over every little thing (like, as if you cooked it right?)calling you names, being racist, etc. That’s too bad, really it is. Wait…you don’t think others deal with that sort of shit? Convenience store workers usually make minimum wage to work awful hours, shift work and get Robbed at gunpoint, but yeah they don’t get a fucking tip either. Oh, and this is the gateway job that most kids get. Nice huh?

4) But they work really hard……

o.k i can give you that, some of the wait staff truly work their ass off to make you happy from the minute you step in there until you leave, and i understand that that may be difficult to do all day long. I understand the physical strain on the body from standing/walking all day long, I’m not arguing with any of that. The argument is why? why do some people get it and not others?if they are friendly with me and come by a couple of times during my meal then i absolutely tip them. And i usually over-tip when i tip. So before you think I’m a cheap asshole for not tipping, just remember that the attitude we receive from shit staff will not improve if we keep on automatically tipping them. This is the same as letting some asshole kid get away with back-talking their whole lives with no consequences. Why should they be nicer to customers if they still get an extra tip at the end of the day right?

5) In all seriousness

Here it is folks, time to get a little scholarly.In the united states, in services where tipping is expected or a common practice. Employers have a pay scale based on the assumption that the tips employees receive will round out to an appropriate rate of pay, so these people really do need tips to make up the extra amount that is considered an appropriate wage. In Canada, Quebec and Ontario allow employers to pay lower Minimum wages to workers who would reasonably be expected to be receiving tips. In Ontario, the minimum wage is $10.25 per hour, with exceptions for students under 18 years old and employed for not more than 28 hours a week, who are paid $9.60 per hour; and both liquor and restaurant servers, who are paid $8.90 per hour.(1) Who do we get mad at then? The companies that exploit the social constructs that have been in place since the 1800’s? or the government that allows this practice of under payment to continue in jobs where post secondary education is not required. Although considered a “norm” in North American society, when asked about tipping, people profess their reluctance to ending the practice. They admit to feelings of confusion over what is an “appropriate amount” and it can also create awkward social situations in times when we feel that we did not receive good service.

Economically speaking it also creates a division among class. The reality, whether we like it or not is that minorities lead the poverty scale in North America. Many do not get to eat out very often. Even if it is at a regular family type restaurant such as Denny’s, Perkins, Smitty’s etc. Does this mean that if they feel they can’t afford their food PLUS tip that they don’t deserve a night out to eat? Researcher Yoram Margalioth presents an interesting study on Why we need to end tipping here:The Case Against Tipping

Countries that do not practice expected tipping: Note, some have a gratuity included in the bill. This money usually  DOES NOT go to the servers, and additional tipping does not occur.

  • China
  • India
  •  Japan
  • Singapore (tipping is not allowed but a 10% gratuity is added at restaurants)
  • South Korea
  • Taiwan
  • Australia (very rare and when used it is a reward for exceptionally good service)
  • New Zealand
  • Bolivia (5% included in the bill)
  • Brazil (optional 10% included in the bill)
  • Belgium
  • Finland
  • France (varied amount added to bill)
  • Germany (very rare and when used it is a reward for exceptionally good service)
  • Austria (very rare and when used it is a reward for exceptionally good service)
  • Ireland
  • Italy (some have added gratuity)
  • The Netherlands
  • Spain (depends on the locale, higher class restaurants may include a gratuity)
  • Switzerland

Mr. Pink’s “I don’t tip rant”

1. Ontario Ministry Of Labor, http://www.labour.gov.on.ca/english/es/pubs/guide/minwage.php

Searching for the elusive male tramp stamp

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In the early 90’s women decided they would like to have a tattoo in a place that doesn’t get stretched out of shape when they get pregnant or older. The lower back proved to be the perfect spot for this. Due to the fact that the style of the time consisted of midriff tops and low rise jeans that constantly showed off the tattoos, the women who had them were stereotyped as sluts or whores, hence the term “tramp Stamp”. It quickly became popular with woman and was considered by many to be very sexually appealing. A running joke is that the stamp indicates a target, and that the larger the tramp stamp, the bigger the slut.

Exhibit A: Not a huge slut

Exhibit B: Comes with her own handlebars

Where's the clutch on this bad boy?

Now that we have established the hierarchy of the tramp stamp, let us delve into the elusive world of the male tramp stamp, or as it is better known the “douche Cartouche” No matter how hot the guy is, he immediately turns into a complete douche as soon as he unleashes this beast upon the world. Let’s take a peek shall we?

  • This guy is searching for the proper ratio of short shorts to tattoo douchebaggery.

Hey man, can you rub some lotion onto my totally awesome tat?

  •       Imagine seeing this shitstorm at the music festival? I’m sure the dude behind this guy was expecting drunk women, drunkenly teetering on their boyfriend’s shoulders, maybe even showing a little boobies? Certainly not this ass’s ass.

Lift me higher boys!

  • Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Butt-man Butt-man

Come around to the front and i'll show you my "boy wonder"

  • I’m pretty sure that this guy isn’t even wearing pants.

i wonder if i'm oily enough?

  •  The loner. Don’t feel too bad, this guy was gonna be alone no matter what.
  • Why doesn't anyone want to play with me?

    The douche cartouche is rising in popularity, what was once elusive has now evolved into a horrible plague on mankind. Douches all over the world are embracing the placement, hoping to pass it off as a ironic statement to gender trends. Hipsters are using it as product placement, juicers and gym rats use it to highlight muscles. Ah what the hell, i don’t pay attention to those wankers anyway, as long as it doesn’t invade the rest of the men.

Oh shit, the corporate tramp stamp!

  • Look what i’m hiding under here

    If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out Bad/misspelled Tattoos here:     badmisspelled-tattoos

 

I was a North Kildonan Chola

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Thanks to Lady Gaga’s song Born this way i am now familiar with the proper term for these ladies. Urban dictionary defines  A chola as:  a firme hyna (latina) that wears a lot of makeup: thick eyeliner, liquid eyeliner on top going out of your eye dark brown or red lipstick and eyebrows drawn on or really thin. We mostly have permed hair with crunchy gel or straight and arched on top.

Why yes, i am VERY surprised!

For obvious reasons, whenever i see these chicks on the bus (i call them main street cholas) i can’t stop staring at them. I think to myself “what the hell? do you know what you look like? you’re eyebrows look fucking RETARDED!” most of the times these girls wear HUGE gold hoop earrings and hoodies, they look the “gangsta” part, and i laugh my ass off.Just look at these girls! Seriously, what the fuck is up with the eyebrows? and the black lipliner looks like they drew it in with shit, why the hell is it all black? I’m pretty sure this is eyeliner.

Then i started to remember the mid 90’s. Now, i wasn’t the most well behaved teenager, but i never got into any trouble with the cops or anything, was never in a gang, but my friends and i used to fight other girls pretty often. (cause we thought we were tough shit) I used to wear Nike track pants with skin tight white tee shirts and the matching Nike jacket….Hmmmm i had long hair that i used to gel the shit out of when it was wet. The result was that my hair would be rock hard and crunchy. I used to wear scrunchies on my wrist in case i got into a fight. And as for make-up…i know i used to wear really bright red lipstick…wait….didn’t i wear lipliner?, no not lip liner………oh god…..where is my grade 11 photo?

Oh for fuck sakes!

Ten words people pronounce incorrectly, plus 9 other things that piss me off

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It occurred to me the other day that there are so many things that piss me off, it would take a long time to list them all on the site. So here is a list of things that piss me off in no particular order:

  1.  People who leave toast crumbs in the butter/cheese whiz/peanut butter container. USE TWO KNIVES!!!!
  2. People who read over my shoulder when I’m on the computer.
  3. People who spell “Light” as “Lite”
  4. People who use the term “Literally” for everything, even when it is NOT literal.
  5. Biting into a jellybean/chocolate only to find out it is coffee flavored
  6. People who don’t know the difference between it’s/its,  their/there/they’re, and  your/you’re
  7. Having facebook friends that you would never, under any circumstances talk to in real life.
  8. Couples who say “we’re pregnant!” No you’re not, She’s pregnant! (also not telling the difference between we’re,where, and were)
  9. Freezer burn on ice cream
  10. People who do not pronounce words correctly. This pisses me off so much i am actually going to insert a list within a list.
  1. ANYWAY. Why do people add an “s” to it? it’s “Anyway” not “Anyways”
  2. ARCTIC. It’s “Ark-tik” not “Ar-tik”
  3. ATHLETE.  pronounced “Ath-lete”, not “Ath-uh-lete”
  4. LIBRARY.  you saying “Li-berry” sounds like some sort of smoothie concoction. It’s pronounced “Li-brair-y”
  5. MINIATURE. The word has four syllables not three. “Min-e-Ah-ture” NOT “Min-a-ture”
  6. MISCHIEVOUS. I know the word isn’t used very often but when it is, it drives me nuts that people say “Mis-chee-vi-us” instead of “Mis-chi-vus”
  7. PREVENTIVE. Please say “Pre-ven-tive” not “Pre-vent-ti-tive”
  8. REALTOR. For some reason, people always feel the need to add an additional “a”here. It’s “Real-Tor” not “Real-a-tor”
  9. TICKLISH. I’m not “tick-i-lish”, I’m “Tick-lish”
  10. REGARDLESS. This word is a bonus because most people have no problem pronouncing it, the problem is when they decide to add the NON word “IRREGARDLESS” Listen up people. THIS IS NOT A WORD!!!!! Please stop saying it in sentences when you speak to me or i may have to punch you in the throat.

The Black Eyed Peas Are dirty Thieves

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Look at all my Glitter!!

If you don’t know who the Black eyed Peas are, you must have been living under a rock for the last couple of years. Their annoying, auto-tuned repetitive jingles are all over the radio, commercials and tv shows. The band consists of Will.I.Am, Fergie and two other guys that no one seem to ever be able to name because let’s face it, they are not what sells the band. No, what sells this band is outspoken Will.I.am and his outrageous cries for attention and Fergie, the lone girl of the group who tries to sex up every song with either 1: her strong woman persona, or 2. her pouty woman persona. To be fair, i do think that Fergie has a good voice, unfortunately her talent is being wasted; the rest of the band is all smoke and mirrors and when she does do a solo song, all her BEP bad habits come into play. I’m not sure there is any hope. Plus she pees her pants on stage

Uh oh, Where's my champagne to cover this up?

Taken from a Men’s Magazine: Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie has confessed to urinating on stage during a recent concert. The sexy singer said she had to douse herself with champagne in front of hundreds of Australian fans to disguise the fact.  She is quoted by Scotland’s Daily Record newspaper as saying: “I had a few drinks before going onstage, but I didn’t think to go to the bathroom. “We were jumping around and my bladder just started… you know.”

Anyway, enough about Fergie and on to the Thievery!

BEP’s Checklist to a hit song:

  1. Go through demos submitted to labels and take one that seems like it won’t be missed
  2. Start song off with either Woo-hoo or another easily shouted word (monosyllabic is preferred)
  3. Add auto tune
  4. Write some words for the song, easier to remember is better
  5. Add more auto tune
  6. Get sexy costume for Fergie, Sparkly outfit for Will.I.Am
  7. When performing stand together, fist pump, and jump up and down in one spot
  8. When confronted with possible evidence of music theft, insist you have written both words and Music, and Deny, Deny, Deny

There is nothing wrong with a band sampling another artist’s music WITH their permission. It becomes a crime when the music is ripped off and the original artist recieves no compensation for their work. The worst part is, in many cases such as this, the original artists are unsigned talent that have no money to sue big bands such as the BEP’s. One way to help prevent this is to make sure people are aware of their actions and attitudes towards deserving talent.

Listed below are some of the examples of why they are being accused/sued for stealing other artist’s music. Have a listen to both and decide for yourselves.

* some of these video’s will bring you to youtube.

 

Exhibit 1. BEP vs Bryan Pringle

Bryan Pringle – Take a Dive written and recorded 1999


Pringle claims he has been submitting demo CDs to Interscope, UMG and EMI over the last decade, and believes they willfully used his recording for the BEP’s song “I’ve got a feeling.” Although the music is not 100% exactly the same, the hook Is pretty much a copy.

BEP – I Gotta Feeling. 2009

Written by: The Black Eyed Peas , Frédéric Riesterer, David Guetta.

Exhibit 2 BEP vs Phoenix Phenom

Phoenix Phenom – Boom Dynamite. Written and recorded 2007/8

Ebony Latrice Batts, who performs as Phoenix Phenom, and her songwriter Manny Mohr of Aurora, IL, claim that the hit is a little too similar to their song “Boom Dynamite” to be coincidence.To make matters worse, Phoenix Phenom sent the demo to interscope records the Peas’s label, in the hopes of getting Fergie to perform on the track. Instead, Interscope turned them down, and the Black Eyed Peas came out with their chart-topped shortly after.

BEP – Boom Boom Pow – Written by the BEP

Will.I.Am stated that the music was inspired by 1980’s song “Planet Rock ”

Exhibit 3. BEP vs Adam Freeland (case settled in favor of Freeland)

Adam Freeland – Mancry. Written and recorded 2007

 

BEP – Party All the time.2009

In this instance Will.I.am had stated in court that their manager gave them the beat for the song and they were unaware that it was taken without the owner’s consent.

 

Exhibit 4. BEP’s vs Daft Punk(Permission to sample was denied by Daft Punk)

 

Daft Punk – Around The World. Written by Daft Punk (Thomas Bangalter Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo) and recorded in 1997

 

BEP – I got it from my Mama (Remix) 2007

Will.I.Am did a remix of “I Got It from My Mama” which included a sample from Daft Punk‘s “Around the world.” Daft Punk denied will.i.am use of the sample. However, a music video was produced with the sample included and featuring The Paradiso Girls. The opening scene for all of Daft Punk’s Human after all videos is used for the video


Exhibit 5. BEP vs George Clinton

George Clinton – George Clinton & Parliament-Not Just Knee Deep (1979)

In December of 2010, Clinton filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against the BEP’s for stealing his song without consent.Clinton alleges that his signature was forged on forms that showed his consent.  Stealing from an unknown is one thing, but from a legend like George Clinton? BEP’s are you TRYING to get caught?

BEP – Shut up (remix) 2003




5 best WTF videos from Asia

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First i should note that this post is not really an annoyance, if i am annoyed at all, it is due to the fact that we don’t have these awesome commercials/videos in Canada. I mean, what the hell are they thinking over there? These are some of my favorite WTF videos from Asia.

#5      Red Riding Hood Vs Racoon Balls

I`m not quite sure what`s going on in this video, but i love the `home alone` look on the little girls face when she sees this raccoon.

#4 McDonalds Spongebob Commercial

These kids freak out over the happy meal toy

#3 Potty training

This is one of my favorite videos, I don`t know what`s funnier; the hilarious subtitles or the animated feces.

#2 Holographic concerts

This isn`t so much funny as it is amazing. Hatsune Miku is a teen pop star who sells out concerts all over Asia. The thing is, she`s a synthesized singing application created by Crypton Future Media. You can read more about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hatsune_Miku

#1 Robo Geisha

This is the video that inspired this list. I came across it a couple of years ago and never get tired of watching it. It is a trailer for a movie by Noboru Iguchi about a young group of Geisha who are genetically altered to become an unstoppable army. Think of all the crazy Asian movie genres wrapped in one. This Geisha is a  transformer, giant, katana wielding, kung fu using, and even FRIED SHRIMP killing machine!

Coffee shits

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Why do people shy away from this topic? Honestly, it happens to all of us, and those who say it doesn’t are liars or drink decaf. The culprit of the ever-annoying coffee shit is the caffeine, it’s a diuretic, which causes the horrible coffee shit. Not fun. So why do millions of people continue to drink it every day? cause it’s fuckin’ great and it means i don’t have to eat horrible cereal like all bran or other gross fiber cereal. You know damn well that about an hour after you start drinking it you have to go to the can, which can be a horrible situation once you decide that you’re going to down a whole pot within an hour and half. In that case be prepared to shit at least 3 or 4 times, with each consecutive dump getting stickier and stickier until it becomes the all horrible clay shit:

where is patrick swayze when you need him?

ok, so now i have gotten to enjoy my coffee, but at what price? Now i have to wipe my ass until i use an ungodly amount of toilet paper in the process, also taking into consideration the courtesy flush, and the fact that i may also rub my hoop raw. The worst offender in this category is Tim Horton’s. Don’t get me wrong it’s my favorite coffee but good god man, i swear my body starts to reject the stuff 20 min after my first sip.

Anyway, i’m gonna stop typing now and enjoy my 4th cup of joe. in any case, i thought it would be nice if you guys knew your shit.

Public Bathroom Soap

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This is just nasty.

When you are in a public place, such as a restaurant or bar, the owners are hoping that their patrons are going to be using the soap after they use the bathroom, and rightfully so i might add. The problem that i have here is that these places provide the lowest of low quality soap that stinks like shit. It’s either:

1. granulated powder/liquid combo

Identifying feature:

  1. little pieces of grainy crap get stuck under your nails
  2. Stinks like roses and it’s in the shitter. We all know by know that the scent of dried flowers and shit isn’t pretty, but more reminiscent of trips to grandma’s house.

2. Pink liquid

Identifying feature:

  1. Leaves your fingers smelling  like you just fisted a dirty hobo
  2. doesn’t lather
  3. stains anything white

3. Foam

Identifying feature:

  1. reminds me of the scuzzy sea foam at the edge of the water at the beach, they both don’t hold their bubbles and smell faintly of fish

Now i understand that these places aren’t going to go out and buy dove or something like that, but what the fuck industrial soap makers? How hard is it to make a soap lather? a soap that doesn’t stink like a funeral home, a soap that isn’t PINK?

Excuse me while i go and dry my hands on that horrible, thick brown paper towel that we used to have in elementary school. Yeah that’s right. Paying a fortune at a steak house to feel like a fucking 9 year old in the bathroom again so i can go back out there and eat my steak. Bringing my fork back and forth to my mouth all the while inhaling the faint smell of dead roses and dirty hobo.

Bad Phone Etiquette

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I can’t stand bad phone etiquette. People who, for one reason or another, have given up common sense and decided that acting like an ass is acceptable. Here are some examples of things i hate about irritating phone users:

example of great parenting

1. Texting instead of calling

It seems that the more technologically driven our society becomes, the less manners people keep. We now live in the age where people find it acceptable to text each other (in shorthand) instead of calling each other on the phone. The crazy thing about this, is that you are more likely to receive a bunch of texts a day from your friends for completely useless things, whereas they would never call you on the phone for the same reasons. Why is this acceptable? I find it annoying as hell that your friends will text you for some idiotic thing such as “omg! the guy @ this prty iz soooo HOT!!!” Which naturally is followed by a bunch of stupid emoticons. Now imagine for one minute that your friend actually phoned you to say that one sentence, only that one sentence, and then let you go. Wtf? Reasons why i hate texting:

  • People who text you back and forth a million times trying to organize the evening. Here’s a thought, CALL THEM, the conversation will only take a minute and you don’t have to wait for each text .
  • People who text you links to spam. Are you fucking serious? this is why i didn’t want to give you my number in the first place.
  • Kids under the age of 16 who have a cell phone. If you aren’t old enough to drive, you don’t need to text your friends, you can call on a regular phone like we used to. You won’t die.
  • Text speak. I hate all the little nuances that are involved in texting, i am an adult, i do not write like an illiterate street rat, nor do i wish to decipher your crap.
  • People who forget that their cellphone is , you guessed it, A FUCKING PHONE!

2. People who tell you to call them and then have nothing to say

ummm yeah, uh huh, hmmmm

Why do you make me promise to call you and then when i do the silence is deafening? If you have nothing to say to me, don’t ask me to phone you. The same goes for people calling me for no reason. I don’t mind the whole “chit chat” scenario where you ask what i did today and what’s new and so forth, but i hate the conversation that is already dying by the time i picked up. I am not a filler for your boring day, i’m not here to solely amuse you. Piss off.

3. People who hang up without saying goodbye.

Aarrrgh!! fuck you

you guys are assholes! I hate this more than anything. People who call you and right at the end of the conversation they say something like “so I’ll see you at eight” and then dial tone. Umm excuse me, did you just hang up on me? What the hell? Just because you are done with your side of the conversation does not excuse you from being someone who has manners. Just say goodbye. I will actually call these fuckers back when this happens, when they answer and say “Hello” i just shout “Good-bye” into the phone and hang up. Hopefully they get the message. As much as this annoys me, people can take this in a whole different direction that’s almost worse, introducing:

4. People who say goodbye too much

These people refuse to end the conversation, the offenders are usually couples and witnissing the dialouge is almost as bad as being a part of it. The conversation goes as follows:

“Ok, i love you goodbye babe”

“Goodbye”

“Ok babe, hang up now”

“You first”

“no, you first *giggle*”

“okay on three”

“one, two, Three”

“…………….”

“Hello?”

“Hi”

“you didn’t hang up silly *giggle*”

“neither did you “

Seriously? By now i usually would like to rip the phone out of their fucking hands and break it on the floor, but i tend to use constraint and just take note that these people should no longer be allowed in my life.