In the early 90’s women decided they would like to have a tattoo in a place that doesn’t get stretched out of shape when they get pregnant or older. The lower back proved to be the perfect spot for this. Due to the fact that the style of the time consisted of midriff tops and low rise jeans that constantly showed off the tattoos, the women who had them were stereotyped as sluts or whores, hence the term “tramp Stamp”. It quickly became popular with woman and was considered by many to be very sexually appealing. A running joke is that the stamp indicates a target, and that the larger the tramp stamp, the bigger the slut.
Exhibit A: Not a huge slut
Now that we have established the hierarchy of the tramp stamp, let us delve into the elusive world of the male tramp stamp, or as it is better known the “douche Cartouche” No matter how hot the guy is, he immediately turns into a complete douche as soon as he unleashes this beast upon the world. Let’s take a peek shall we?
- This guy is searching for the proper ratio of short shorts to tattoo douchebaggery.
- Imagine seeing this shitstorm at the music festival? I’m sure the dude behind this guy was expecting drunk women, drunkenly teetering on their boyfriend’s shoulders, maybe even showing a little boobies? Certainly not this ass’s ass.
- Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Butt-man Butt-man
- I’m pretty sure that this guy isn’t even wearing pants.
- The loner. Don’t feel too bad, this guy was gonna be alone no matter what.
The douche cartouche is rising in popularity, what was once elusive has now evolved into a horrible plague on mankind. Douches all over the world are embracing the placement, hoping to pass it off as a ironic statement to gender trends. Hipsters are using it as product placement, juicers and gym rats use it to highlight muscles. Ah what the hell, i don’t pay attention to those wankers anyway, as long as it doesn’t invade the rest of the men.
Oh shit, the corporate tramp stamp!
If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out Bad/misspelled Tattoos here: badmisspelled-tattoos
It occurred to me the other day that there are so many things that piss me off, it would take a long time to list them all on the site. So here is a list of things that piss me off in no particular order:
- People who leave toast crumbs in the butter/cheese whiz/peanut butter container. USE TWO KNIVES!!!!
- People who read over my shoulder when I’m on the computer.
- People who spell “Light” as “Lite”
- People who use the term “Literally” for everything, even when it is NOT literal.
- Biting into a jellybean/chocolate only to find out it is coffee flavored
- People who don’t know the difference between it’s/its, their/there/they’re, and your/you’re
- Having facebook friends that you would never, under any circumstances talk to in real life.
- Couples who say “we’re pregnant!” No you’re not, She’s pregnant! (also not telling the difference between we’re,where, and were)
- Freezer burn on ice cream
- People who do not pronounce words correctly. This pisses me off so much i am actually going to insert a list within a list.
- ANYWAY. Why do people add an “s” to it? it’s “Anyway” not “Anyways”
- ARCTIC. It’s “Ark-tik” not “Ar-tik”
- ATHLETE. pronounced “Ath-lete”, not “Ath-uh-lete”
- LIBRARY. you saying “Li-berry” sounds like some sort of smoothie concoction. It’s pronounced “Li-brair-y”
- MINIATURE. The word has four syllables not three. “Min-e-Ah-ture” NOT “Min-a-ture”
- MISCHIEVOUS. I know the word isn’t used very often but when it is, it drives me nuts that people say “Mis-chee-vi-us” instead of “Mis-chi-vus”
- PREVENTIVE. Please say “Pre-ven-tive” not “Pre-vent-ti-tive”
- REALTOR. For some reason, people always feel the need to add an additional “a”here. It’s “Real-Tor” not “Real-a-tor”
- TICKLISH. I’m not “tick-i-lish”, I’m “Tick-lish”
- REGARDLESS. This word is a bonus because most people have no problem pronouncing it, the problem is when they decide to add the NON word “IRREGARDLESS” Listen up people. THIS IS NOT A WORD!!!!! Please stop saying it in sentences when you speak to me or i may have to punch you in the throat.
You know what’s gross? Getting into a bathroom stall and right before you sit down, spotting a pube on the seat. I mean, why on earth wouldn’t the person wipe down the seat after they were done? What the fuck? That means i have to either wipe the seat off myself, or wait for another bathroom to open up. Public bathrooms are pretty fucking gross to begin with, and all other unpleasantness aside, i find the discovery of the little wirey hair on the seat worse than the non-flush people.
Now i understand that public bathrooms are usually gross to begin with, but this also happens when you are at other people’s houses. Nothing says “welcome” like going into your grandparents bathroom and finding the white as snow pube on the seat and then returning to the kitchen for tea trying not to think of whether or not it was your grandma’s or grandpas.
Loose pubes appear in places other than toilet seats, Have you ever picked up the soap in the shower only to find one of these little buggers embedded into the soap? Ewww, not to mention if you are staying at a relative’s house and again being faced (literally)with a face full of someone’s brillo pad. It’s not archeology, i shouldn’t have to excavate a pube out of soap like it’s some fucking fossil!maybe that’s why i stick to liquid soap.
This is the most disgusting word in the English language. I hate everything about it. I hate the way it rolls off the tongue like a filthy whore, and leaves the same taste in the mouth afterward. (or so i imagine). Not only does it feel disgusting saying it, but the actual meaning of the word is just as disturbing. Some people would connect the word with things like cake or baking, i connect it with some sort of nasty genital disease/condition. Seriously, think of the term Moist carrot cake. mmmmm you might think, but switch that one word with another, let’s say panties and see what sort of image you now associate the word with. That’s right. some kind of disgusting veneral disease. Blech. Here’s an excerpt from a Herpes pamphlet:
The First Genital Herpes Outbreak
The rash of herpes is a cluster of vesicles on a red base. In moist areas like the vagina, herpes may cause ulcerations instead of blisters. In women, the first outbreak of genital herpes can occur on the vulva, cervix, vagina, urethra, anus, buttocks, or thighs. Men usually get an outbreak on the tip of the penis or the shaft, but rarely around the base. Men who have sex with men may also get blisters in or around the anus. The rash in men is usually mild — only 6 to 10 blisters. The blisters in men and women are painful and contain a large number of viral particles; therefore, they are very contagious.
Mmmmmmmm that sure makes me want some Moist cake.
Now i used to think i was some sort of weirdo who was overly neurotic or something, and if that’s the case well then i’ve found a whole bunch of people just as crazy as me. I typed in “hate moist” in google and it seems there is a large following of people just like me out there. In case you’re interested here is the link to the “I hate the word moist” group on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2221467350